"Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-13

I've been having some serious difficulties with forgiveness in the last week. God has been encouraging me to forgive and be gracious to a certain person, but that has been super difficult! It has even interrupted my sleeping pattern (if you know me well you KNOW I don't like things interrupting my sleep). I don't see this person often and to be completely honest I miss this person dearly! But every now and again memories of hurtful things they've said and/or done creep into my mind and cause my heart to harden. My first reaction when that arises is to ask God to invade my thoughts. There are days when my emotions get the best of me and I try finding any and everything to do to get this person off my mind.

As much as I love this person, it's hard for me to understand why I'm having a difficult time with this forgiveness thing. So, I asked God tonight to shed some light on the matter and, like always, He did (lol). My issue: fear of future hurt and rejection! If I forgive this person now, they are bound to repeat. What then? Well, I forgive again! Now, that doesn't make what the other person does right, but no matter what my attitude must remain upright. I also remember being in the position of needing forgiveness, and if I choose to act otherwise, then I'm not walking in Colossians 3:12-13. That would be NO BUENO!

The lesson: well, it has many aspects. I have to remember what God has done for me. He's been forgiving and loving and patient. Even if the other person chooses not to forgive me or bear with me in difficult things, that's their choice...and it's between them and God! I also can't allow a hurt to wound me so bad that it causes me to walk in fear of forming future relationships. I can't fear that someone new will hurt me in the same ways others have in my past. That's difficult to accept at times, but necessary. Last week, someone put it this way for me: "We live in a fallen world and fallen people will sometimes disappoint you. BUT, we trust in a good and perfect God, who created us for deep relationship - with Him and with others. Let God break that spirit of fear - even though it's painful."

All in all, learning this lesson now will surly help me deal with future situations that are similar. If you are struggling with unforgiveness, please believe me when I tell you...it's not worth keeping! If you, like I, have committed yourself to letting God heal you, remember that it's a process; it's all part of the bigger journey. So be patient with yourself and those around you. You don't have to remain in hurtful situations, but know that you're only imprisoning yourself by holding on to that hurt. And please, PLEASE be careful what you say to people when they are experiencing difficult situations or emotions. Even if you can't totally empathise with them, love them through it anyway. You don't have to say anything. And if you find people "walking away" from you when you need them most, understand that they might not be equipped (for various reasons) to help you the way you've helped them. But either way, God's always got you covered! I know I'm not the only one who needed that reminder. :-)